Scars
by DemonsNeverDie
Summary: Sam Is Sectioned Under Mental Health Act After A Suicide Attempt. Her Counsellor Lewis is Determinded to find the reasons behind Sam's actions but as he scratches the surface. he realises there may be more than just one actual reason. WARNING: Maybe Triggering Due To Self Harm/Suicide/Mental Health Theme.
1. Chapter 1

'Why do you feel the need to harm yourself?' Lewis asked as he looked at Sam Nicholls from across the room. He had been sat here for half an hour and hadn't gotten anywhere. He sighed. He knew from the second when they first met that it wouldn't be easy. That she wouldn't be like any of the other cases he'd seen and dealt with.

Lewis Markshaw was a self-harm specialist counsellor. He had many clients that he mentored but none of them intrigued him the way that Sam Nicholls did. After reading her referral form that had been made by her boss. A Zoe Hanna. He knew from the first meeting that this wasn't going to be an easy client.

'have you ever thought of self-harming before now?' Lewis asked breaking the silence. Sam still said nothing. 'Sam I cannot help you unless you talk to me. Tell me why you did it' Lewis asked and once again he was met with a silence. Before he tried his last approach.

'You know you wont be able to return to work at Holby City ED until your boss is satisfied that you are recovering so Sam I will ask you again. Why did you self harm? Was it a build of stuff. And something snapped? Have you thought about harming yourself before? A cry for help perhaps?' Lewis asked. This time it seemed he was getting somewhere.

'You wont understand' Sam spoke. The first thing she had said all session. 'Well let me understand. Tell me what was going through your head that day' Lewis said. Sam went quiet again. So Lewis tried yet another approach.

'Your boss Zoe tells me that you've recently spilt from your partner Tom Kent. Why is that? what happened between you? Is that the reason for your self harming?' Lewis asked 'Zoe had no right to tell you that' Sam snapped angrily clinching one of her fists.

'Well what triggered the motive for you to harm yourself?' Lewis asked again. Sam looked at him. To say she had encountered many counsellors before. But none of them was more pushing than this Lewis was. She knew she couldn't stay quiet all the time. Not if she wanted to return to work soon. She had to give signs that she was recovering. Other wise Zoe wasn't going to let her back into work. She gritted her teeth.

'Splitting up with Tom. Is just the beginning. Not even scratched the surface yet' she said.

'I have no more clients to see. So take your time' Lewis told her.


	2. Chapter 2

**An Hour Later.**

'Would you like a glass of water?' Lewis asked as he reached over to the table and began to pour himself a glass from the jug that was on the table along with the tray. Sam nodded. So Lewis poured her a glass as well once he was finished with his own. 'So are you going to start the beginning or?' Lewis asked. As Sam took a slip of water from her glass and she placed it back down. 'This is a complete utter waste of time. I don't need help' Sam said.

'Sam, you know you need to show signs of recovery before you can go back to work. Now I'm going to place you on a recovery programme. Now I must tell you that this isn't going to be easy. But you're going to have to work alongside me if you have any chance of returning to work soon. And the first step is talking' Lewis informed her

'This is seriously a waste of your time. I don't need your help' Sam tried to protest once more.

'Somehow I don't believe you. Sam you nearly killed yourself by an overdose of drugs and alcohol and then you were discovered to have scars along your arm. Now some of these are new and some are old. Now you see it's my job as a counsellor to find out these reasons behind your actions. So I need you to tell me what went through your mind that morning you decided to take a cocktail of drugs, were you intending on killing yourself? Tell me about Tom. What happened there?' Lewis asked

Sam looked at her counsellor once more before sighing, 'I broke up with him' she said not making eye contact with Lewis. 'And why was that? Was there something going wrong with your relationship? Because from what I hear from Zoe. You two were quiet smitten' Lewis said.

'Well Zoe thought wrong' Sam snapped irritated.

'Tell me why you think that' Lewis said.

'He. He. He promised he would never leave, then when he began to see me at my most vulnerable. He couldn't handle it. Who can blame him. I'm a mess. A train wreck, a ticking time bomb' she said not looking at Lewis.

'Why do you think that?' Lewis asked it seemed three counselling session's in. he was finally getting somewhere.

'Because I am' Sam snapped even more irritated than she was before. She wanted to return to work. But Zoe had signed her off on sick leave. She was already bored out of her skull with nothing to do.

'You have to give me more than that as a reason. Something tells me something happened to you as a child, and a teenager. And whatever this reason is. It's been lying on your chest for many years wanting to escape. But it can't because you won't let it. Because you're afraid of what people will think of you if you tell them' Lewis said.

Sam looked away from him as he said that. 'Am I wrong?' Lewis asked. And when he was met with the wall of silence.

'I didn't think so' Lewis sighed.

'You don't know anything' Sam replied scornfully before she looked at the clock that happened to be ticking away in the background.

'Well what do you know, this session ended an hour ago. I should go' Sam said getting to her feet.

'I have no more appointments or clients to see' Lewis said.

'How do you do your job without being constantly lamped by patients?' Sam queried.

'You want to lamp me?' Lewis said. He saw Sam nod

'This is progress. You wanting to lamp me is a sign that you're angry. Which is good. Your letting your emotions show' Lewis said.

'No. you're just damn right annoying. I want to leave' Sam told him.

'Fine. But we will continue this at your next session.' Lewis said.

'Not if I can help it' Sam replied sarcasm thick in her tone as she left the room. And headed out of the counselling building to find Zoe waiting in her car. Sam sighed before she walked over to it and got into the passenger side. Zoe started the engine. 'So how did the session go?' Zoe asked. As she pulled out of the car park.

'Complete utter waste of time. I don't need to see a shrink' Sam scoffed almost like a teenager.

'Sam you nearly died of an overdose. The other week. If anything a shrink is what you need right now' Zoe commented

'Well that's your opinion' came Sam's reply.


	3. Chapter 3

Quick Author Note:

I won't be able to update tomorrow. So this is going to be quiet a long chapter.

Thanks for all the reviews and follows! Much appreciated.

The car slowly arrived back at where Sam had been staying for the last few days. She looked at the building which she believed to her was her idea of pure hell. But it was this place Sam had to call home for the last few days. As Zoe cut the ignition of the car. Sam unhooked her seatbelt.

And Zoe followed suit. After she undid her seat belt. She got out of the car. Closing the side door she walked around to the passenger side and Sam got out in a rather sulk mood. The same sulky mood she was in when Zoe had been to pick her up from the counselling building. 'Zoe. When can I return to work?' Sam asked.

This question threw Zoe by surprise. 'Sam we have talked about this. You are not well. You need time to recover' Zoe explained. 'But when?' Sam asked again this time in a more serious demanding type of tone. Zoe sighed. 'a few months I expect' she said. 'Why a few months?' Sam very much snapped.

'Because you're not well. And also I need clearance from Lewis before we can even begin the process of you returning to work anytime soon. I'm sorry Sam. But you're going to have to be patient for a bit longer. Unless of course you start showing signs of improvement and we may began to the talk of you returning early.

But that is if you start showing signs of recovery and you make good progress with Lewis. But that's a very big if' Zoe told her as the door to the building opened and Sam and Zoe stepped inside over to the lift.

The place where Sam was staying. Was on the third floor. And Zoe wasn't wearing the most comfortable of shoes to take the stairs. So the lift it was. And they made it to the third floor Zoe walked over to the desk.

'Sam Nicholls is returning from her afternoon counselling session' Zoe told the nurse behind the desk. Who nodded and got to her feet. She moved away from the desk and over to Sam. Linking her by the arm. And Sam was lead away from view.

'Doctor Hanna is it?' a man approached Zoe. 'Yes. Who's asking?' Zoe asked. 'I'm Doctor Adam Lawson I'm going to be taking over the care of Samantha Nicholls while she spends time here' Doctor Lawson explained. 'Right' Zoe cocked an eyebrow.

'How do you think Miss Nicholls is coping with her counselling sessions?' Doctor Lawson asked. 'How should I know? Didn't they teach you patient confidentiality at med school?' Zoe asked. 'Of course. Stupid question' Doctor Lawson said.

'Well I'll be back tomorrow to see Sam and to take her to see her counsellor for her next session' Zoe told him, and she left before Doctor Lawson could say anything else. He clearly didn't know Sam at all. And it took all of Zoe's inner strength from wanting to give him a piece of her mind. As she got back into her car. She started the engine and slowly pulled out of the car park and pulled out not even taking a notice of the sign next to the building she had just left. HolbyCity Psychiatric and Mental Health Unit.

It took twenty minutes in the traffic before Zoe arrived at the ED. She cut the ignition of her car before she got out reaching for her bag and locked her car. She walked into the department. And met Linda on her way in.

'You look like you could do with a coffee' Linda said. Zoe nodding and they both headed to the café. Linda got they're drinks and they sat down.

'So how is Sam doing?' Linda asked as Zoe added sugar to her coffee. 'Asked me again when she can return to work' Zoe sighed. 'She must really hate it in there to want to come back here' Linda said.

'I know' Zoe smiled half heartily.

'Have you seen today's paper?' Linda asked Zoe.

'No. haven't got around to it because I've been busying driving Sam to and from her counselling. Why?' Zoe asked.

'Somebody's leaked Sam's suicide attempt to the press' Linda said. Zoe swallowed the coffee a bit too quickly it burned her throat.

'WHAT?' Zoe sputtered. Throat burning from the coffee.

'Here look' Linda said finding the article that was in the day's paper.

**'HOLBY CITY ED DOCTOR IN SUICIDE BID'**

_Doctor Samantha Nicholls. A Doctor at Holby City ED has reportedly tried to take her own life in a suicide bid. It is believed that the doctor who has been described as a straight talking, fearless doctor is believed to have taken a cocktail of drugs and a mixture of alcohol to attempt to take her own life. It has been reported. 'Sam's suicide shock came quiet a shock to everyone. Because she gets on with most of the colleagues so it was a shock' says a close source of someone who works at the ED. But didn't want to named. It is also believed that Doctor Nicholls spilt from boyfriend and fellow Doctor Kent weeks before leading up to her suicide attempt. It is believed Doctor Nicholls is currently in Holby City's Psychiatric Unit receiving treatment for her condition._

'What heartless arsehole would do such a thing this is going to set Sam back even more. Without this adding on top. If I ever find out who leaked this to the press. It'll be the last thing they do' Zoe said angrily. Before she placed the paper down on the table. Angry that one of her ED team could do such a heartless thing.


	4. Chapter 4

**I'm including a bit of what happened in the last few episodes of series 27, with Sam and Tom. Do you want Tom to be a part of this story or not? I'll let you deicide **

Zoe was just finishing the remainder of her coffee when someone took Linda's vacant seat, as she placed her coffee down. She looked and saw the one person she didn't expect to see so soon again. 'Tom' Zoe said as she looked at him.

'Did she. Did she do it because of me?' he asked her. Zoe sighed. She knew this was coming but she didn't expect it to be so soon. Because the last thing Zoe had heard Tom had left Holby so what brought him back? Perhaps it was Sam's suicide attempt. Of course Tom would have heard and read about it if he'd seen the article

'Tom. I can't answer that question. I'm not saying you were the reason Sam tried to kill herself. But you may have been one of the reasons why. What I don't get is why you guys suddenly spilt. I mean you were smitten with each other. What went wrong?' Zoe asked.

Tom sighed. 'She changed' Tom said flatly. 'How exactly?' Zoe asked wanting to know more. 'Mood swings. She started becoming paranoid. Accusing me of cheating on her and all sorts. I couldn't take it anymore Zoe. That's why I left. She threw me out and told me that she never wanted to see me again. If I'd known she was planning this I would have stayed. Tried to talk her out of it. It's my fault. I should have stayed put. But I didn't because I couldn't take her accusations anymore. She kept pushing wanting me to confess to something that I hadn't done. And I don't know something in me snapped. We argued. And I ended up hitting her...' Tom admitted disgusted with himself for such a thing.

'Where did you hit her?' Zoe asked.

'I caught her with my elbow. It was an accident I swear' Tom said sternly.

'And what were you both fighting over?' Zoe asked

'A bottle of diazepam' Tom confessed.

'So you're the one that was stealing from the drug cabinet. Tom why didn't you say something?' Zoe asked raising an eyebrow.

'I didn't want to admit that I was judging myself as a doctor. I hit a crisis, a low and Sam helped me. I thought I could cope without the pills. But I slipped and we argued. And we fought over the bottle. I lost my grip and as I did so I caught her cheek with my elbow' Tom admitted.

'That's when she really changed' Tom admitted. Zoe listening to everything Tom had said.

'Have you any idea who leaked the story to the press?' Zoe asked.

'No. but I'm glad they did because I wouldn't have come back. I have to see her so I know she's okay' Tom said. 'I was hoping you could help me there' Tom added.

'She's not here Tom' Zoe explained. Tom raised an eyebrow.

'Well where is she then?' Tom asked.

'She was formally sectioned under the mental health act 4 days ago' Zoe explained.

'YOU WHAT. SAM IS NO NUT CASE! WHY WOULD YOU LET THAT HAPPEN' Tom shouted.

'Tom it's for Sam's own good. She tried slitting her wrists a few days after her overdose so we agreed it was the best course of action. She has counselling four times a week with a guy called Lewis.' Zoe explained.

'Bet Sam loves that' Tom said sarcastically

'We think Sam is suffering a nervous breakdown' Zoe told him. Tom nodded.

'So it's going to be a while before she's back to her old self?' Tom asked. Already knowing the answer.

'I'm afraid so. We can go and visit her if you like. But Tom. I must warn you. Its best you don't say anything about the paper otherwise it will set her back even more okay?' Zoe told him getting to her feet.

'Ok' Tom agreed getting to his feet and he followed Zoe out the ED and over to her car.


	5. Chapter 5

**Okay since most of you have said you want Tom to be a part of this story. Then that is the way it shall go. Sorry to those that didn't want Tom in! Apologises. But again this chapter is quiet dark. **

The car journey was a long and a quiet one. There wasn't really any much of a conversation between Tom and Zoe. They found themselves stuck in traffic for a good ten minutes. 'Tom' Zoe said bringing Tom out of his thoughts.

'Yeah?' Tom replied. 'I should probably warn you. Sam may seem her usual self. But that will probably be down to the medication that she's on. And I should tell you about not mentioning the paper. She's quiet vulnerable; Zoe told Tom.

'Right I understand' Tom replied just as Zoe pulled into the car park once more and they both got out. Tom looked around the building. It was big, gray, electric wires along the gates. It strongly reminded Tom of a prison.

Zoe used her card to scan the door and it opened at once and they both headed inside. 'What floor is she on?' Tom asked. 'Third' Zoe replied. And they both entered the lift. A silence fell over them, but it wasn't long before the lift pinged to alert them on the third floor.

'Doctor Hanna' Zoe heard her name being called. She turned and saw the useless doctor that was treating Sam. 'Yes doctor Lawson?' Zoe answered his question.

'What brings you back so suddenly?' Doctor Lawson asked. 'Tom here would like to see Sam' Zoe told him.

'I'm afraid I cannot allow that' Doctor Lawson said. 'How come?' Zoe and Tom both said together. 'Miss Nicholls has been given a sedative. Not long after you left Doctor Hanna. Miss Nicholls suffered what we believe was an allergic reaction to the medication that she was on. And she tried to assault three of the nurses here' Doctor Lawson explained.

'And you gave her a sedative?' Tom asked raising an eyebrow.

'We had no choice. Miss Nicholls became quiet violent.' Doctor Lawson explained.

'Well have you contacted Lewis? You know her counsellor?' Zoe asked him.

'We have. And he agreed a sedative was the best course of action. He will be here in a few hours to check on Miss Nicholls' Doctor Lawson explained.

'Any chance of me becoming a part in Sam's care? I think she should have someone she knows treating her, because you clearly don't know what your doing' Tom said rudely

'I'm sorry I didn't catch your name and you are Mr …' Doctor Lawson asked. Looking at Tom.

'Mr Kent.' Tom said.

'Well Mr Kent. I have a degree in physiology, and mental health and the best care for Miss Nicholls is here' Doctor Lawson said.

'Well I disagree' Tom said flatly.

'Mr Kent, Miss Nicholls has been sectioned under the mental health act which means she has to stay here for twenty eight days. And in that twenty eight days if miss Nicholls has made an improvement we can see about her becoming into your care' Doctor Lawson explained.

'Well can I see her?' Tom asked.

'Of course but I must warn you. She's currently asleep and will have no knowledge that you've been here' Doctor Lawson told him.

'I do know what a sedative is. I'm a doctor too you know' Tom told him his tone thick with sarcasm

'Really? Wow they've got kids doing adult jobs. The nhs really is sinking to a new low' Doctor Lawson said sarcastically

'Tom. Don't he's not worth it' Zoe told Tom. Who nodded.

'So you are going to let me see Sam or are you going to stand there all day doing nothing?' Tom asked. Doctor Lawson nodded and he led Tom down the corridor.

'I will give you five minutes then you should go with Doctor Hanna' Doctor Lawson said as he unlocked the door to the room where Sam was. He left and Tom walked in. he looked around the room again it strongly reminded Tom of a prison. And more to the point a prison cell.

He sat down beside the bed where Sam was currently sleeping. He held her hand for a moment.

'Sam I hope your listening to me. I hope you can hear me. I need you to get better. I know we haven't had the best of times of late. But I know if we work at it. We can be happy. I should have been there for you, I'm so sorry. But please just get better please Sam I need you. I love you' Tom said and before he knew it. The tears were falling down his eyes. He made no attempt to stop them falling.

'Five minutes is up. Come on Mr Kent' Doctor Lawson reappeared. 'Ok' Tom replied before he kissed Sam on the forehead. And Doctor Lawson relocked the door. And lead Tom back to where Zoe was.

Tom and Zoe soon said they're goodbyes and they left soon after. Tom finding it hard to erase the memory of seeing Sam there on the bed. Looking so weak and venerable. Not the Sam he knew at all. He hoped she would get better. Because he needed her. He needed the Sam he fell in love with. Back.


	6. Chapter 6

Zoe and Tom made they're way back to the ED. 'I suppose my resignation is pointless now' Tom said bringing Zoe out of her thoughts as she cut the ignition of the car, and they both got out. 'Are you sure you're capable of working though Tom?' Zoe asked him 'I'm fine Zoe. Really' Tom told her.

'okay but I want you to keep your head down now I'm guessing with Sam's attempt being leaked to the press I'm guessing Sam will be the talk of gossip and so will you. But I need you to keep your head down okay Tom? I know it will be hard but you can do it, also Sam's belongings need to be collected from reception' Zoe told Tom.

Who nodded and agreed. 'I'm going to have words with the rest of the team about gossiping about Sam. Anyone I find bad mouthing her. Will be suspended I can grantee that' Zoe told him as Tom nodded and he made his way to reception, while Zoe walked on through the chaos that had formed.

Tom went over to reception and saw Noel there. 'Tom' Noel said as Tom walked over. 'I'm here to pick up Sam's belongings from. Well you know' Tom said. 'Just give me a moment they should be around here some where' Noel said looking around and sure enough he found them. He handed the bag over to Tom.

'Here you go mate' Noel said handing Tom the bag, 'thanks mate' Tom said taking it from him. 'Tell Sam we're all thinking of her, and wish her a speedy recovery. And that the place isn't the same without her' Noel told Tom.

'Will do' Tom said with a smile before he walked away. Clutching the bag of belongings before he could see Zoe and she had gathered everyone around the desk. He listened to what she was telling his former colleagues.

'Can I have your attention for a moment please guys' Zoe called. Everyone stopped what they were doing. To listen.

'As you all are probably aware and probably read in the paper. Yes Doctor Nicholls did attempt suicide. And yes she may have spilt from Doctor Kent. But the point I'm trying to make is. If I catch anyone. Or hear anyone saying one bad word about Doctor Nicholls. You will be suspended. She is your colleague, and you should respect that. And also if I find out anyone of you is responsible for the leak to the press. It is a sack able offence so bear that in mind. And also if I see anyone talking to the press about Sam or even Tom for that matter. That too is a sack able offence. Have I made my point clear? Good. Now you can all get on with your jobs' Zoe told her team she watched as they all got back to they're jobs.

'Good speech there' Tom said with a nod of approval. 'well it had to be said, are those Sam's belongings?' Zoe asked looking at the bag Tom was holding.

'Yeah it is. I'm going to have a look through it, and then I'll change into a pair of scrubs. I'll throw myself into work' Tom told her. 'Okay' Zoe replied nodding 'I better go see what Hansen wants' Zoe said walking away. Tom headed somewhere quiet. He opened the door and closed it. Placing the bag onto the table. He tipped it upside down.

It was mostly Sam's clothes from that day, her jacket. Wallet. Phone. Keys and locker key. Tom picked up the locker key and decided to have a look through Sam's locker. She was also protective of that thing.

That Tom never got a look in but now here was his chance. So he got to his feet and headed to the locker room. He walked over to Sam's locker. And placed the key. Turning the lock. It clicked as he turned the lock before he opened it and had a look inside.

He smiled to himself as he noticed the picture on the locker door. It was of her and Tom, from they're day out, when they both had a day off. The memory came back to him. Before Tom found a diary that he'd never seen before in his life. He'd never seen Sam with it before. So he took it out and closed the locker door before sitting himself down on the bench and began to read the many entries.

It wasn't long before Tom closed the diary, what if Sam wasn't suffering a nervous breakdown. What if it was post traumatic stress disorder? If this was the case, he had to get this diary to Zoe and quickly. If it was the case then Sam wouldn't have to spend twenty eight days in that hell prison as Tom had nick named it. He only hoped he was right.


	7. Chapter 7

**Four Hours Later**

Sam stirred as the affects of the sedative began to wear off. She rubbed her eyes, before staring at the ceiling that was the room she was in, when she heard the sound of keys rattling and the door unlocked it revealed Lewis. He walked into the room. She looked at him before turning her attention back down to the ceiling. 'Sam, how are you feeling?' Lewis asked. 'Drowsy' Sam replied. 'Hardly surprising when you've been given a sedative. Do you remember what happened a couple of hours ago?' Lewis asked her. Sam shook her head. Lewis sighed. 'You had a reaction to the medication. You tried to assault three nurses. Strangling one of them. She may have permanent vocal damage. Have you anything to say to for yourself?' Lewis asked Sam totally ignored this comment.

'Well we have a counselling session tomorrow but after what happened today I think we should bring that forward' Lewis said. 'I already told you. I don't need your help' Sam told him.

'Sam. This wall of denial isn't getting you anywhere. You're going to have to talk to me. Otherwise you're just delaying your treatment and the time you can return to work' Lewis told her.

'Talk to me about your father, your father died when you were just fourteen didn't he?' Lewis asked. Sam looked at him. 'How do you know about that?' Sam asked cocking an eyebrow.

'I had a look through your medical report at the army. Medical records, old school reports. 'You were in care till you were eighteen weren't you? I also know you were treated once for self injury related for your army medical report. But it was just a one of wasn't it?' Lewis asked.

Sam looked at him maybe she could trust him after all. But she didn't even know where to begin. 'I also know your mother died when giving birth to you' Lewis said. 'I think what your suffering is post traumatic stress disorder. But the problem for me and the doctors here. Is the reason what triggered it. Was it something in camp bastion? The man you shot by any chance?' Lewis asked.

'No' came the reply from Sam. 'There's a room free. We shall take this conversation somewhere more private.' Lewis told her. Getting to his feet.

'I found him' Sam said not looking at Lewis.

'Found who?' Lewis asked sitting back down.

'My father... I found him dead on the kitchen floor' Sam told him.

'It's okay, you don't have to talk about it' Lewis told her,

'No, I have to. I've kept it to myself for so long, that. I haven't grieved for him properly. I have to tell somebody. Even if it is you' Sam told him. Lewis was amazed at this. Sam was slowly letting him in..


	8. Chapter 8

**Okay here is Chapter 8.**

**I must warn you that this chapter is quiet dark, and I think this chapter is one that makes this fic a rated T.**

**Please do not read if you're easily scared. Or you're depressed. I don't want to make you feel worse!**

**Also this fic is written purely on my own experiences. It's about time I put them to good use. So here you go. **

**Oh and a massive thanks for the reviews, favourites and follows **

**Oh and in this chapter we find out who sold the leaked the story to the press. I think you may be surprised **

**Xo**

_Psychiatric Centre _

'I came home from school one afternoon, I don't exactly remember the date. But I remember being annoyed at myself for forgetting my keys. So I rang the doorbell and when I got no answer I lifted the letter box up and started shouting dad and when that got me no where I noticed that his car was still in the garage and I knew then that something was seriously wrong. I don't know if it was the fact that he wasn't answering his phone or, he wasn't coming to the door to answer it. But something in the pit of my stomach told me that, that morning would be the last time I would ever see my dad again. So I knew that the back door was always open so I walked around the back through the gate and up the stairs and I tried the door which opened at once, and I walked in the back way. –'Sam paused.

'It's okay Sam. You don't have to continue if you don't want to' Lewis told her. Sam nodding.

'I walked around the back, into the kitchen and that's when…that's when I found him. I quickly ran over to him, I remembered what I'd been told the other week in first aid class. And I checked for a pulse. I couldn't find one but still I tried. I tried until my arms could take no more. I knew he was gone but there was nothing I could do. I guess I didn't want to believe he was gone. I never met my mother, so my dad was the only parent I had.' At this point Sam was crying.

Lewis took out a tissue from his pocket and handed it to her, Sam wiped away her tears.

'You don't have to continue if you don't want too' Lewis said. He saw Sam nod.

'You said that something happened to me while I was a child. And a teenager, you were right. Something did happen. While I was in care' Sam began.

'Sam we don't have to do this now if you don't want too. Just take your time okay?' Lewis told her. Sam nodded.

'When I was fifteen I met this lad. His name was Jordan. We got on great. When he moved into the care home. He ended up sharing with me. Then one night. We were play fighting like we always did. Then he took it too far. I told him to stop. I told him no. but he wouldn't listen. And he pinned me against the bed. I tried to fight him off, but then he... he… he raped me' Sam choked the last bit of words out, the tears were once again falling. And she wiped away her tears.

'Sam. Have you told anyone this?' Lewis asked. He saw her shake her head.

'I thought that if I kept it to myself I would be able to handle it. That if I kept it to myself that everything would be alright. And it was. I managed to keep it to myself. Even when I met Dylan. I never told him. Nor did I tell Ian ether. I didn't think it mattered. Because it was my childhood. And I'd grown up since then…then in Afghanistan when I shot that innocent man. Seeing him on the floor dead. Because I shot him. It brought everything back about dad. The nightmares, the flashbacks returned. And I couldn't get the image of him lying there dead out of my mind…' Sam paused once more.

'I think that's enough for now' Lewis said. He was amazed at the process that Sam had achieved in less than half an hour.

'Tom was here. I want to see him' Sam told him.

'You say you suffered nightmares and flash backs?' Lewis asked picking up on what Sam had told him

'Yeah,' Sam replied.

'Recurring Flashbacks. Symptom of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder' Lewis said. There was the diagnosis, now what was left. Was making Sam better.

'Now we know what we're dealing with. We can give you the right treatment' Lewis told her getting to his feet. 'I'll be back in a moment just need to speak to your doctor' Lewis told Sam.

'Your not going to tell him what I've told you are you?' Sam asked.

'No, just the recurring flashbacks that's all' Lewis reassured her. And he left to find Doctor Lawson.

_Holby City E.D_

Zoe was finishing up some paper work when there was a knock at her office door. She placed the paper work down, 'Come in' Zoe called as the door opened it revealed Robyn. 'Robyn this is a surprise what can I do for you?' Zoe asked. As Robyn closed the door behind her. 'I have a confession to make' Robyn began nervously.

'Right now you've got me worried. What is it?' Zoe asked

'I know who leaked to the press about Sam's suicide attempt' Robyn began.

'Robyn please tell me you're not going where I think your going with this…' Zoe interrupted. She saw Robyn nod,

'Why Robyn, why?' Zoe asked.

'I swear I didn't know he was a reporter. He seemed so nice. And he was keen to know what happened to Sam and I may have let slipped more than I should have. But I swear I had no clue he was a reporter. If I did. I wouldn't have said anything. I only knew when I saw the paper the next day...' Robyn trailed off.

'Oh Robyn….' Zoe sighed

'I'm so sorry, I would have come forward sooner. But then when you gathered everyone around and warned that if you found out who had leaked to the press that they'd be sacked. I was scared.' Robyn began.

'Well I'm glad you've been honest Robyn. And you've come forward. But I have to warn you that you'd better hope Tom doesn't find out about this. But I'm going to have to suspend you for this' Zoe told her.

'Okay, I guess it's what I deserve' Robyn said sighing.

Before the phone rang, 'Robyn we'll continue this conversation shortly but I need to get this. But for now your suspended and I'll be having words with Charlie and Tess about this, and its they're choice whether they'll sack you or not but for now your suspended' Zoe told her. Robyn nodded and left the room.

Zoe answered the phone.

'Lewis' she answered.

'We have a diagnosis for Sam, post traumatic stress disorder. And she's asking for Tom. Can you send him along to visit?' Lewis asked.

'Yeah of course. Give me twenty minutes' Zoe told him.

'Okay' Lewis replied hanging up.


	9. Chapter 9

**Sadly this isn't a happy reunion! I tried not to cry while I wrote this. But I will promise a happy ending. **

'There was something else. When I was nineteen' Sam began. Lewis nodding for her to continue before the door opened and it revealed Tom and Doctor Lawson. 'Sam' Tom said. 'Tom' Sam replied with a little smile. 'Tom's come to visit you after you requested' Sam nodded understanding. She noticed that Tom was still dressed in scrubs which meant he had come straight from work.

'Sam, we'll continue this later on' Lewis told her. Getting to his feet, Sam nodding. She watched as Lewis and Doctor Lawson left them alone. Closing the door behind them as they left a silence fell over Tom and Sam. 'So' Tom began. 'Is that Lewis?' he asked her, he saw Sam nod. 'Lewis as in Counsellor Lewis?' he said. Sam nodded again,

'Who are you and what have you done with Sam Nicholls?' Tom said. Sam chuckled.

'I'm right here Tom' Sam told him playfully punching him in his arm. Tom mocked hurt.

'So. Are you feeling any better?' Tom asked. After a silence fell over them once more.

'I let things off my chest to Lewis. So I guess I am a bit better. But I'm not fully okay just yet' Sam began.

'That's good to hear. So you wanted to see me?' Tom asked.

'Yeah I did. I wanted to apologise for the way I behaved up until my attempt that was totally out of order. So I'm sorry' Sam told him.

'Sam, you have nothing to be sorry for. If anything it should be me the one apologising I should have been there for you, but I didn't and I left. So if anything it's me that's in the wrong here not you' Tom told her.

'There's something else Tom. I've been thinking, about when I get out of here' Sam began.

'Go on' Tom said. Listening.

'When I get discharged from here. I'm leaving Holby. I need time to recover and become adjusted to life outside of here. I need a fresh start. Holby has too many negative things around it. Too many bad memories. That I need to erase. So I'm leaving.' Sam told him.

'Right, and do I fit anywhere into this?' Tom asked raising an eyebrow.

'Tom I hope you can understand that when I say I'm leaving I mean I'm going alone. I'm sorry but I hope you understand that I need time on my own. I don't want to hurt you. So I'm telling you now. Because if I don't. I'll only end up hurting you. So there you have it' Sam told him.

'Okay' Tom spoke. His voice thick with emotion, he was fighting back tears. 'But tell me one thing, just one little thing. When you said you loved me. Did you mean it?' Tom asked as he got to his feet.

'Tom of course I meant it. I do love you. I just need time on my own, a fresh start. I'm sorry okay?' Sam told him.

'I'll hang onto that' Tom said getting to his feet. Sam followed.

'What? Am I not allowed to give you a hug now?' Sam asked.

'Of course you can' Tom told her. And she pulled him into a hug.

'I'm glad our paths crossed Kent' Sam told him, before she pulled away from the hug, she watched as Tom left. Closing the door behind him.

It wasn't until Tom into his car when the tears finally got the better of him, he drove his whole way back. in tears.


	10. Chapter 10

'Tom left already?' Lewis asked as he re entered the room. Sam turned to face him. 'Yeah. I told him my plans for when I leave here' she told him, this got Lewis's attention.

'What plans Sam?' Lewis asked. Closing the door to the room. 'When I get discharged from here I'm leaving Holby, I need a fresh start. I need to put stuff behind me' Sam told him. 'Are you sure that's something you want to do? And is Tom joining you in these plans to leave?' Lewis asked.

'No. I'm going alone. But I need to ask a favour. I need you to come with me. And Zoe' Sam told him. Lewis nodding in understanding. 'There's something I want to do' Sam told him. 'And what's that?' Lewis asked. 'I want to visit my father's grave' Sam told him. 'Are you sure your ready for that?' Lewis asked.

'I'm sure. I think my visit is long over due. I never went to his funeral. And now that's something I regret. I never got to say goodbye so that's something I would like to do' Sam told him. 'I'll see what I can do' Lewis said. 'Do you know where he was buried?' he asked.

'I think the grave yard in Holby, if I remember rightly' Sam told him. 'Okay I'll just do a couple of checks to see if that's right. Then we can see about going' Lewis told her, just as Doctor Lawson appeared at the door.

'Hope I'm not interrupting. I would like to have a few words with Sam about her treatment' Doctor Lawson said.

'Its fine doctor and fire away' Sam told him.

'As you know Sam. You have been given a diagnosis of post traumatic stress disorder. Now as you are a doctor yourself you will know that there is many ways we can treat this disorder. We're going to start you on a course of therapy. And medication. We'll start with the therapy first. And if that doesn't help any, we will see about putting you on medication' Doctor Lawson explained.

'I don't think the therapy will be much use. Sam has made good progress in her counselling sessions' Lewis interrupted. Before continuing. 'Also I don't think it's a good idea you place Sam with somebody new. Sam please forgive me for speaking out of term. But I believe you have put your trust in me because of some of the things you have told me in total confidence. And I'm sure you will agree that placing you with somebody else. Will only delay your treatment so I think its best Sam only has the medication' Lewis explained.

Doctor Lawson looked at Sam. 'Would you agree with what Lewis has just informed me of?' he asked. Sam took a moment before nodding.

'Lewis is right, I have made progress with him. And I think it would be a bad idea to place me with somebody new. I know how frustrated Lewis got when we first met. And started sessions. And to be fair he is the only counsellor. Who understands me, and has been able to break down my walls. If I were to be placed with someone else. The walls will go back up.' Sam explained

'Right then, it seems Lewis you will remain Sam's counsellor through out Sam's treatment. And we'll have another talk about your medication' Doctor Lawson said before he left the room leaving Lewis and Sam alone and once he was gone Sam found her voice.

'Thank you, for you know everything, for listening' Sam told him. 'It's what I'm paid for' Lewis told her. Sam chuckled. 'I think I have found a friend for life' she said with a smile looking at him. Lewis looked back at her. They held the gaze for a few minutes before Sam broke it.

'Shouldn't you be going to check to see if my father is buried at Holby Graveyard.' She said.

'I shall. I'll call in on you later, after I've been to see other one of my clients' Lewis said and he left closing the door behind him. Leaving Sam alone with her thoughts.


	11. Chapter 11

Three Hours Later

Sam heard the rattling of keys in the door as the locked turned, the door became open and Lewis was stood in the door way. 'You ready?' he asked her. Sam got to her feet at once. 'I'm allowed to go?' she asked. Lewis gave her a nod. 'As long as I'm with you, yes. You haven't been given a leaving permit just yet, so if even if you only want to go for a walk. You have to have someone to accompany you. Before you rattle. It's hospital policy' Lewis quickly told her. 'I wasn't going to say anything but thanks for letting me know, so was I right? He's buried in Holby?' Sam asked. 'Yeah it's about a forty minute drive from here. That is if you want to be stuck in a car along side me' Lewis said.

'I'm sure I can handle it' Sam replied, reaching for her jacket and they both left the room. They walked along the corridor in a silence, it wasn't awkward. It was more a comfortable silence. They soon left the unit, and Sam got into the passenger side.

It wasn't until they drove out of the car park. And through town that Sam began to feel as if this wasn't such a good idea after all. 'Penny for your thoughts?' Lewis asked looking at Sam with his eye.

'Actually I'm not sure if I'm ready for this just yet' Sam told him, 'sorry for wasting your time' she added. 'No its okay, it's completely understandable' Lewis said. As he put his handbrake on waiting for the lights to change. 'So, what do you want to do instead?' he asked her.

'I was thinking, maybe the ED. So I can see everyone and let them know I'm in the process of recovering. Also to tell them that I'm leaving when I get discharged.' Sam said. 'Sounds a good plan. But are you sure with facing Tom' Lewis said. Reminding Sam that she had broken up with him.

'I'm fine. And anyway I don't think Tom will cause any bother. We're staying friends' Sam told him.

'Okay' Lewis added as he turned around and headed back into town towards the ED.

'But first. I'm gasping for a coffee. So we'll stop at a coffee shop first.' Lewis told her.

'Ahh the magic of caffeine' Sam noted. As Lewis pulled in to the car park that was Holby City ED.

'Are you sure about this?' Lewis asked.

'Positive' Sam replied. As Lewis cut the ignition of the car. And they both got out, Sam closing the car door behind her. For some reason she felt nervous, anxious almost, as they made they're way through the doors and almost in reception.

'Sam!' Sam turned at the sound of her name and she saw Zoe.

'Zoe' Sam replied.

'What are you doing here?' Zoe asked. As she noticed Lewis.

'I wanted to see everyone, and to tell everyone that once I'm discharged. I'm going to be leaving' Sam told Zoe.

'And Tom?' Zoe asked raising an eyebrow.

'Tom will not be joining me' Sam replied.

'Right. You can fill me in on everything. I would have been to see you but here's been chaotic, so I apologise' Zoe quickly told Sam.

'Its Fine Zoe. Actually I'd like a word' Sam said.

'Of course anything,' Zoe told her.

'Somewhere in private.' Sam asked. Zoe raised her eyebrow. But however agreed and she walked in front of Sam. They walked past reception. Sam looked around nothing had changed. She liked that. They made it to Zoe's office, once all three of them were inside and Lewis closed the door behind them.

'So come on what is it?' Zoe asked.

'how would you feel about accompanying me to south America…..'


	12. Chapter 12

'South America?' Zoe gasped.

'I know it's a lot to ask. But I need a fresh start away from Holby if I want to recover. But I can do it with you and Lewis. Because you've both been there since day one and I don't think I'd survive on my own without the both of you' Sam told Zoe.

'And what about Tom?' Zoe asked.

'He's not coming with me. I need time on my own...' Sam replied.

'Lewis are you agreeing to this?' Zoe asked she saw Lewis nod.

'Zoe you don't have to agree to anything just yet. But think about it. And let me know once you've come to a decision' Sam told her.

'Right I will let you know' Zoe told her.

'You two couldn't be any more obvious' Sam said suddenly looking at Lewis and Zoe.

'Huh?' they both said together.

'Oh come on, don't tell me you haven't picked up on the so obvious bubbling attraction between you both. Anyone see it from a mile off' Sam said.

'Sam I think your mistaken' Lewis began

'Yeah, yeah you keep telling yourself that. Shouldn't we get going or?' Sam asked.

'Yes, Yes your right' Lewis said suddenly.

'Okay, well I'll see you in a few days' Zoe promised.

'Remember think about it first. It's a big decision' Sam told her and they both left. Once they were out of the ED.

'Right then, lets get you back to the unit' Lewis said as he unlocked the door to his car. Sam got in the passenger side.

'Lewis, I know you've thought about it.' Sam told him.

'Thought what?' Lewis asked stupidly.

'Zoe, on come off it, you like her' Sam told him.

'No, really Sam I don't she's not my type.' Lewis told her.

'So who is?' Sam asked.

'You don't know her' Lewis said hotly.

'Right. Well she would be very lucky to have you and know you' Sam told him.

'Yeah well I'm not so sure, she's having a bad time at the moment and, well she's not long spilt from her boyfriend…' Lewis said hotly.

'Shit.' She said.

'What?' Lewis said.

'It's me isn't it...' Sam muttered. Oh this was going to be an awkward conversation.


	13. Chapter 13

'No, No, Sam you've got the wrong end of the stick' Lewis said hotly.

'How have I got the wrong end of the stick exactly?' Sam protested.

'I wasn't referring to you. Honest I swear. Anyhow that would be wrong. For us…. You are one of my clients. I could lose my job if I was caught.. Well you know' Lewis said hotly,

'Well I don't know, so enlighten me' Sam said.

'Are you seriously making me say this out loud Sam? Even if I felt like that about you I couldn't ever be with you. It would be wrong. I would lose my job. If I was caught shagging one of my clients. So now you know' said an embarrassed Lewis.

'So who is she then? If it isn't me?' Sam asked. Still with one of her eyebrows raised.

'She's someone you don't know ok? Now can we leave it. Please I've embarrassed myself enough' Lewis told her.

'Okay okay.' Sam told him.

'Good' he replied as they arrived back at the unit. Lewis pulled out his ID and scanned the door with it. Which opened with a click and they both entered inside. Making it to the third floor. Lewis walked Sam to her door like he always did. 'so I shall see you in a few days for our next session. Unless of course our slight misunderstanding has offended you in anyway because if it has I will understand if you want to move' Lewis told her.

'It's fine. And no I'm not offended. I should be apologising for getting the wrong end of the stick.' Sam said with a half smile. 'Right then you get good night's sleep and I'll see you at your next session.' Lewis told her. Sam nodded and walked into the room.

He closed the door behind her. Sam placed herself onto the bed. Before reaching into the draw and pulling out a pen. Before taking its lid off and crossing another day off on the calendar.

'Only fifteen more days' she said quietly. Sighing and laying down on the bed. Closing her eyes. And sleep over took her.

The next morning Sam was awoken quiet early by Doctor Lawson. 'Sam. how are you feeling?' he asked her softly.

'I'm as good as I have been, why'd you ask?' Sam asked.

'well, as you have been making good progress with Lewis and are responding well to the medication. Me and Zoe agree that we may discharge you sooner than expected. On condition though that you keep taking your sessions with Lewis and making good progress. And you stick to your medication' Doctor Lawson explained.

'Wow' Sam said in disbelief.

'How do you feel about that? Do you think you're ready for the big wide world sooner then you think?' Doctor Lawson asked.

'It would be nice. Getting a bit sick of these four walls to be fair' Sam replied.

'Right then that is settled. I will make a few calls, and ask Zoe to come and pick you up. And you will be going to live with her for a few days' he told her getting to his feet. And leaving her with her thoughts.


	14. Chapter 14

**A Year Later, **

Sam was still living with Zoe. To say she found adjusting to life outside hard, was to say the least, but with help from Lewis. She was managing pretty well. The downside to her early release was sticking to her medication. Zoe made sure Sam never missed her time slots. Even leaving sticky notes to remind her, which Sam tended to roll her eyes at. But things were going okay for the young medic. And it took a while. And a lot of apologising, and a lot of patience from Tom. But somehow along the ling. They had managed to get they're relationship back on track. Much to Zoe's delight because nothing meant more to her than to see Sam happy again.

Which he hadn't, also in the end Robyn wasn't sacked. For the leaking to the press, Charlie and Tess put it down to a simple mistake. That being said. Robyn didn't get off lightly. She had been suspended, and had a official warning, should it happen again and Robyn would find herself out of a job.

'So, the plan to move to America still on then?' Tom asked one afternoon, as they sat in the park, the sunshine baring down on them. 'I can't believe you remembered' Sam told him. 'Of course I remember. How could I forget the day the love of my life broke up with me' Tom said. Sam smiled. 'Don't flatter yourself' Sam told him, elbowing him playfully in the ribs.

'I do want to move, but' Sam began. 'But what?' Tom asked worrying. 'no need to be so worried. I was going to ask, would you move with me? I need you Tom' Sam told him. 'Of course I'll move with you' Tom told her.

'God I've wanted to ask but I've been so nervous in case you said no' Sam told him admittedly. 'There was no need to worry' Tom told her. 'Come on, lets get back to work' Sam told him. He nodded. Taking her hand. And they walked back to the ED from the park.

They walked hand in hand in the blistering heat. And soon made it back to the ED. Where they let go of each others hands. They could see Fletch and Zoe whispering amongst themselves.

Which made Sam suspicious. Very suspicious indeed. But she thought nothing more of it until the end of her shift. Instead, she threw herself back into the job that she loved more than anything.

It was near the end of Sam's shift as she went to change from her scrubs into her normal clothes, she once again saw Fletch and Zoe whispering. 'what are you two whispering about?' She asked cocking an eyebrow.

'Nothing, So Sam you going to meet us for a drink later?' Fletch asked with grinning.

'not till you two tell me what's going on' Sam asked standing her ground.

'There's nothing going on, Sam so. Drink?' Fletch protested.

'In case you have forgotten Fletch I am on medication. Can't exactly consume alcohol. As you very well know' Sam said reminding Fletch.

'Good thing you mentioned that Sam. You're due your next tablet' Zoe reminded her. Sam rolled her eyes.

'Your coming for a drink, don't worry we have soft drinks too' Fletch said Zoe elbowed him in the chest.

'Reveal all why don't you?' she grumbled towards him.

'Your planning something for me, aren't you?' Sam asked.

'Well done Fletch, let the cat out the bag why don't you' Zoe said not impressed

'What's going on Zoe?' Sam asked

'You'll just have to see, Sam I know you hate surprises but come along, please' Zoe pleaded with her.

'Fine. But I'm not going to enjoy a single second of it' Sam said.

'But you will,' Zoe told her. Sam had no clue of what Tom was planning.

An hour later Sam left the ED, without Tom insight and truthfully she hadn't seen him since they're break in the canteen, none the less she made her way to the bar. 'Okay guys she's on her way' Zoe told everyone, they got into positions. As Sam opened the door and everyone cheered

'Surprise!' they cheered Sam was stunned to see all of her colleagues including Lewis.

'Guys…' was all Sam could manage

'We couldn't let you fly off to America with Tom without giving you a true NHS send off now could we?' said Charlie as Sam was handed a soft drink,

'You guys shouldn't have' Sam told them all. Before Tom made an appearance.

'I've been looking for you!' Sam told him.

'I know, I've been busy. See Zoe let me finish my shift early.' Tom began. Sam looked at Zoe who nodded.

'And how come was that?' Sam asked.

'Because there's something I've wanted to ask you now, for quiet some time. And I couldn't exactly throw this surprise without help from Zoe,' Tom said Sam cocked an eyebrow, but she gasped as Tom got down on one knee.

'Sam Nicholls you are the most amazing woman I have ever met. And I know this last year hasn't exactly been the easiest but you have come through a very dark circle and here you are today, as strong as ever. And I love you. Will you do the honour Will you marry me?' Tom asked as he opened the box showing the ring.

'Yes! A hundred times yes!' Sam said, everyone cheered.

'And it's about bloody time' Fletch joked everyone laughed the music began to play and Sam and Tom were the first to the dance floor for they're first dance as an engaged couple.

Three hours later everyone apart from Sam, Tom, and Zoe, and Lewis everyone else was pretty drunk, with Sam on her medication she couldn't drink anyway. She reached for her drink.

'Can I have everyone's attention please? I would like to say a few words' she said. Everyone fell silent.

'Firstly I would like to thank Lewis. For being not only my friend, a counsellor, my listening ear. You of all people know my darkest secrets, you have been there since day one. I would not be standing here today was it not for you. So thank you for everything. And I mean that from the bottom of my heart.' Sam finished, next up Zoe.

'Zoe, again you have been there since day one. You were the one who treated me that day. You stood by me. You knew what was good for me and what wasn't and despite my stubbornness. You did what you believed best for me. And because of that I have a friend for life. Thank you' Sam finished once more before turning her attention to Tom

'And finally to Tom. You are the love of my life. Thank you for not only being my lover but my friend. I have already told you this plenty of times, but you have brought me back to life and because of that I would like to thank you. Thank you for showing me the good things in life. For showing me what true strength means. And also thank you for loving me so much. I love you always' Sam finished.

And the rest of the night ended in a truthfully bliss. Sam and Tom did move to America, they both found jobs there. Sam is now training to become a surgeon. They are currently planning they're wedding. And both excited to start they're new lives together.

So it seems every dark tale. Has a happy ending, in the end.

**The End.**


End file.
